Sunday, June 21, 2009

Father's Day - I wish I had a relationship with my dad, but I don't. Many reasons, not the least of which is that he doesn't believe in my disease of migraines. I learned at the Michigan Head Pain and Neurological institute ( when I spent three weeks there last summer that it truly is a disease and to think of it that way. I don't get migraines for no reason. They don't come upon me because I'm depressed or because I'm tired or because I want them. They aren't just in my head. Well, they are but you get my meaning. My dad doesn't believe in them - doesn't believe I'm really sick. But that's just one reason we don't talk. I had problems when I was young causing depression and hallucinations and he thought that was all in my head too. Then I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism and as they regulated my thyroid those problems went away too. So, it was real. I'd stopped talking to my dad at that point - or more precisely he'd stopped talking to me. I love my dad very much and miss him, but he isn't a part of my life and something I have to get used to. I still cry at movies with dads and daughters or dads and sons or at weddings during the father/daughter dance as a longing for something I don't have. But I have a strong family on my mom's side of the family and am still close to my dad's relatives - my grandparents and aunts and uncles. I've just lost him and it's sad but not the end of the world.
I have to think the same about my migraines - they are there but not the end of the world. Sometimes so bad I wish it was the end but that's the wrong way of looking at it - they haven't taken everything from me and I can live a good life - not the one I thought I'd have, but one after all. I meditate and try to let the pain just flow through me, not fighting it but floating above it and letting it just be. Not always easy but it helps. I distract myself by doing things that I can do and laugh as often as I can. I take my preventative medicine and I take medicine when the pain increases to a level where I need more. I learn to live. I take herbs and vitamins and acupunture and migraine massages. Trying to retrain my body that the pain doesn't have to live there all the time. I avoid triggers and live my life in spite of the pain. I have a good life. A great job and a perfect husband. Two beautiful, smart and wonderful boys who love their mom.
I have my friends - a network of people who believe in and support me. I have a team of doctors that truly care and won't give up on me.
I have a lot, but I don't have my dad.

1 comment:

  1. Elizabeth,

    I am very sorry you don't have your dad. When someone doesn't believe we are sick, it hurts badly. When people don't understand our conditions, it's painful emotionally. I'm so sorry you don't have your dad.

    It's great that you have the things you do have... your mom and her side of the family, your dad's relatives, your husband, your children, your friends, meditation (awesome tool), acupuncture (see my blog where I scream to the world about how awesome this is), herbs, vitamins, etc.

    I know there is no substitute for your dad but it is wonderful that you have so many other positive aspects of your life. It sounds like you have many people who care about you very much.

    I see that your migraine is coming under control (per your twitter feed). I hope that it keeps getting better and better. I'm sending positive energy your way...