Monday, November 1, 2010

Pain Pain go away, come again another day - oh wait - don't

Short post as an update.  Pain is still really bad.  Tremor is doing - well about the same - but not worse.

I'm just tired of being in pain and I feel lonely.  I feel like people are pulling away from me, but in reality they are just living their lives and I am not functional enough to be out there and involved.

A friend told me not to take things so personally, but it's hard when you feel alone and yes, I know my friends/family are thinking about me, but I want to be involved!  I want company!  I miss my life!

So I go day by day...

But, although I know I have anxiety disorder, I have total reason to be anxious right now.

My short term disability is over Nov 1st unless it is extended and runs out Nov. 15th.  I've provided all paperwork as have my doctors but I have no answer yet on extension or on approval of long term disability.

I'm praying tomorrow will bring answers because how much longer can I wait to hear?  I thought I would have heard last week!

I am told to relax and trust that everything will be okay - but I like control - some semblance of it!  And I am totally out of control without this knowledge - I can't budget or anything!  Hard to do meditation and yoga right now.  I feel like it will all be okay but without knowing and it out of my control it is very difficult.

Pain got worse after my annual woman exam and then a little better and now stress seems to be making it unbearable!

I wish I could go back to work and then know money was coming in and health insurance covered, but I am simply too disabled to work - I couldn't if I pulled all my strength together. 

I have to trust and have faith.  As hard as it is to do right now. 

Thank heaven for my husband although he's pretty stressed right now too.  But he is so good to me. 

Faith we will make it through.  Dear Lord, please let me hear what's what tomorrow!

Hope this finds you all well - Best Wishes