Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Why am I still awake?

So, it's 5:10 am and I have been awake all day and all night.  Not for work since I've been put on short term disability to rest and rest and rest.

I can blame the latest weather patterns and combined with the start of my cycle the storm of the migraine - constant already - has swollen to massive proportions. 

Thus making it difficult to fall asleep.

I could use my shot which always works to put me to sleep but I only get two a week (Toradol) and I want to save it.  Why?  Because I have a therapy appointment at 9 am this morning and at this point if I fall asleep with meds I won't wake up.  So, I will hold off until after the appointment and then get some rest.

Of course, that means I likely will be up tomorrow night - or tonight I guess. 

I have caught up on some talking with other chronic babes at the forum - http://chronicbabeclub.ning.com - a great forum to share with other gals suffering chronic illnesses - most of all and importantly to lift each others' spirits and share advice - not a site for griping.  Which is good - takes my mind off wanting to gripe about my problems when I am reading and trying to help others with how they are doing.

This was about a month ago, but my son is in JROTC - Raider Team and they took first place in all except one competition at the meet and first place overall.  His team is ranked 1st in their 4 state region and when they went to nationals they took 11th place.  Very proud mama and so glad I got to go to the meet and watch them.

They start the night before driving to the meet - at an army or other military base, then sleep in their bags in a room like a gym - then up at 5 am to get ready and start with PT tests - push ups, pull ups, sit ups, all that jazz.  Then breakfast, then they start the different events - I get there around 10 am because usually first is the 10K and there's not much to see until then and I'm tired to do all day.  So, there's a 10K, a surprise event - generally team building/carrying someone on cot and overcoming an obstacle with time limits, the navigation event, the test of memory for combat medical, the Raider challenge course (oh my - at this last one at the end after 2 miles of carrying rocks in their back packs and 20 pounds of sand on a cot up and over hills and many obstacles along the way and stopping for tests of skill, etc, at the end they put the cot in the back of an army truck and then pull it 50 yards with a rope at the front then take the sand on the cot out then down and up a huge hill!; and there's the one rope bridge which is so fun to watch and another that takes so much skill - here's a video of my son's team at that - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=67KTTJ1QT_s

They eat army meals from in the field in between competitions when they have time.  My son at the beginning of the day - after the 10K - and 2 other kids on his team gulp some water and then vomit it up and then drink more - while first sergeant says - you didn't work hard enough if you don't puke after that 10K - by the way their team beat 2nd place team in the 10K by 3 minutes and most others by 10 - 20 minutes.  It was the first time they had won the 10K in a while.

At the end there is an awards ceremony where all the teams are their army best at attention.  It is a grueling day - and some of the kids - mine too - have to get up the next day after the bus ride home and work on Sunday at their job. 

I am talking about a grueling day of pushing themselves to the limit.  Amazingly, soldiers on leave from Iraq and Afghanistan take their personal vacation days to be there and judge the events - love our soldiers and love to our soldiers and so much thanks!  These are high school kids going through this.  You know, my same son who when it isn't a meet weekend manage to sleep 15 hours straight and seems like the lazy teen we all know or remember. :)

So, why bring it up in relation to my not being able to sleep due not to insomnia, but due to horrible constant migraine pain - a disability? 

Because it is a marathon and then some.  Because we do go through obstacle after obstacle and then find we have to pick ourselves up and carry the load of our friends/family/stress/work/etc.  And then after that more obstacles and we are pushing and fighting to make our way through.

I am so proud of my son and of all the JROTC Raider teams - they are amazing kids (of course I mean young adults) -

But I am also proud of myself and all I go through and even when I fall and end up on short term disability again (as I have) or feel like I can't go on but know I must keep pushing on because the team - me, my family, my friends - all my loved ones - need me to, I keep going.  I get up and brush myself off and do my yoga and do my meditation and take my medication and root, root, root for my fellow sufferers.

Because I am proud of all of you out there with me fighting the fight - the invisible illness, the pain and the fight with so few spoons left in the pocket for the day, if any at all.

I am not by any means comparing us to our troops overseas, I mean only to compare to the JROTC Raider Challenge Meets these kids do together and all of the other team sports - be it basketball, football, baseball, wrestling or other team sport - or single person sport where these kids pull all their strength to reach a goal.

And that's what we do everyday.

So, without any sleep and it now 6:03am, I will do some yoga, stretch, meditate, go to my therapy appointment and then I will rest.  It takes rest too.  To take care of yourself, to "run the marathon," to fight the fight and keep on keeping on.

So, my fellow pain sufferers - migraineurs or other invisible illnesses or not so invisible - here's to you - we are going to make it and we should applaud ourselves for what seem like small victories because they are victories none the less and keep us going and keep us a beautiful part of this world.

And here's to my son of whom I am so proud!  And also to my other son who is older and out living on his own, learning to work, budget, pay bills, and be a useful and productive member of society as he pursues his dreams.

Love all!

1 comment:

  1. Yeah!!! for both you AND your son - he's looking like a grownup and not a kid anylonger.