Short post because I'm going to a family picnic in just a few, but wanted to say that the high level of pain I've been experiencing the last couple of weeks isn't over yet. I did really good on Thursday and got a full yoga workout in. Friday I got my migraine massage and did pretty well after that and was able again to do a full yoga workout. Then, late in the day Friday the pain came back full on.
Saturday I drove a couple hours picking up my 16 year old from his dad's - the drive always angers the migraine beast. Then nieces and nephews and all came over to watch the fireworks from our parking lot. The kids are young and we have a great view of the neighboring display from our lot so no need to deal with traffic and et al especially with young ones. It was great to see them and hold the babies - I think that baby smell and the calmness in them eases up the pain a bit.
I didn't go watch the fireworks because the pain had become unbearable before they began and probably wouldn't have anyhow since they can cause pain.
Today, picnic with my side of the family and I am in horrible pain. I'm going because I want to see everyone and I want to have time that isn't focused on this latest great pain. Don't let the beast win, right?
I got a lot of work done over my 4 day vacation last week that I can use toward my time for next week so I can take it easy and still get my hours in. I'm very proud of the work I did. I developed from scratch a training for FAS109 - Accounting for Income Taxes - including the presentation, templates and case studies - it's a four hour class I'm teaching later this month. I really enjoy this part of my job which I actually wouldn't be allowed to do as much of without the migraines.
I had to change my work arrangements due to my illness and it's actually helped me be able to do more of what I want to do at work and less of what I didn't like - the CPA deadlines, etc. Now I'm a consultant to the consultants and work mostly from home and work on National Tax Office items and National Level Teaching. I have given up almost all of my direct client management except for my international clients and consult on international and technical issues so I get to do research, teaching, develop webinars, and consult on technical issues. I guess I have the migraines to thank for that. Especially because I've become known as such a great resource since the change in my job description that I may get a promotion this year and the president of the company has told me to work from home almost exclusively because I was able to show them how much more productive I am at home than at work due to the migraines and they are making money off of me.
Also, people told me that I needed to stop working so much for years and years and without the migraines I don't know if I would have been able to do so.
So, thank you God for giving me the constant pain if only because you have helped me work less and work better at what I want to do. My therapist asked what I would do if the pain went away and I said - oh, I could get so much work done and work really hard. She said then I haven't gotten the message yet to slow down and until I do, the pain will stay. A message from God telling me to slow down and focus on what's important, me.
The other part of it - my brain just plain old misfiring - is just a fact of life that I have to deal with. I hate the pain so much I sometimes think of dying, but I will survive and I will not let it take over my life. However, right now it does have most of the control. I am in so much pain right now it's hard to do anything. But This Too Shall Pass, as Grandma always said and I will get back to a manageable amount of daily pain. I believe it will happen. I just have to keep believing and taking care of myself.
So, off to the picnic to see everyone with my big hat and big sunglasses. And knowing I can leave anytime it gets to be too much. Thankfully, my husband is driving. Didn't turn out so short did it. I'm a rambler, but it's also therapy.
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